Today at a farewell party, I was talking with a coworker about me being single and that I might be single for a while. Of course, she inquired and I told her that it’s hard to find a guy who doesn’t want to have a kid.
I just loved her responses so I’ll give you the whole dialog:
My coworker said, “Wait what? Are you saying that you don’t want kids?”
Me, “Yeah, I don’t want kids.”
“Well why not?”
“Well…” pause “… I don’t want to take care of them. I don’t want to take off work because they’re sick. Really, I don’t want the responsibility.”
“What about adopting?”
“Uhm, the same thing. I don’t want the responsibility.”
“Well, I know a girl who didn’t want kids. After she met this one guy, she said she wanted to have kids with him. So never say never.”
…
To tell you the truth, this dialog is absolutely so common with me. I think it stems from the idea that they 1. don’t pay attention to what I’m saying and 2. they aren’t willing to understand my reasons because they already have an idea in their head of how relationships are supposed to be.
So right before I started typing this I thought of a comeback, or another thing to say when people ask me all shocked. So tell me what you think….
“I don’t have a good reason to have kids.”
How does that sound? This way they will be doing more of the talking while I get to understand where they are coming from. I figured, once someone hears that I don’t want to have kids, their little brains are just overwhelmed with their own personal reasons as to why they want to have a kid. So the flood of emotions and personal opinions whirl around in their head at about the same time I would be making my explanation. Hence, why it seems they are not listening.
What are your thoughts? Think my new response will help people understand me more? If it doesn’t help them understand some more than at least they would think it’s too much work, get board and drop the subject. (Which I really don’t mind at all).
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Yep. Been there. Tried that. Didn’t work. Look, as pathetic as this sounds, this reason won’t be good enough to shut some people up…Take it from me, some will ACTUALLY TELL YOU “you don’t NEED a good reason to have kids”…That’s abysmally wrong in so many ways and on so many levels, I have neither the time, space or inclination to count them all… I’m sure YOU get the idea though *lol*
Oh, I’m beyond that. I try a puzzled ‘Why on earth would I want children?’ or, in extreme cases I just say ‘I don’t like children.’
Oh yeah, don’t get me started on this one. ‘But everyone has kids! It’s what you do!’. Actually, no, it isn’t. I can’t imagine having kids. Pregnancy actually disgusts me, and there’s no way I’m ever adopting a kid, when it could go to a happy family that actually wants it.
Have been there. I can say though that there are guys out there who don’t want kids. I’m one of them. I was lucky enough to find a wonderful woman ten years ago, and the moment that we knew we were right for each other was our simultaneous avowal that we did not want kids ever. We’ve been together ever since. Happily childless. So keep the faith and know that you are not alone.
Take care.
My reply to THAT bingo is:”The right guy for me won’t want children.”
JML1066 here here!
I always tell ‘em kids are like dolphins – sure everyone loves them but who would have one of their own? ;-)
I’ll never understand why some people can’t comprehend the notion that some of us don’t want kids; never have, never will. At almost 36 (!), I still don’t feel ANY drive to reproduce. In fact, I find babies rather repulsive and uninteresting. Ack.
Love this blog – I discovered it this when when googling “child free city” after a friend shared a utopian fantasy of a city with no children, where all the people she would meet would be guaranteed to not “go and have babies on her.”
I know about 4 people who are pregnant right now (thanks facebook) and one is a very close friend who is too young, and sooo not ready. I guess I’m just having a scary week.. other-people’s-babies-wise. Thanks for the blog!!!
As long as I can remember I have been telling people that I don’t wont children of my own … use to get teachers and what not on my case about the matter, now years later I’m still ChildFree with a hubby who shares my views, as we together get the comment “do you have children?” “when are you going to have children” and other comments along those lines.